Dreaming.

It was a summer day. I was wearing a dress and you were wearing those shoes - remember, the ones we bought together? We walked down the street together, hand in hand, because this time there was no secrecy. No lies. No hiding. This time, you weren't ashamed to be seen with me.

Why were you so ashamed of me?

We walked into the store, one of those charming, family owned places you know I love so much. I ordered tea, you a Coke. We sat in silence for a while, but it wasn't the kind of silence I'm used to. Not the weeks without a word. Not the hours that tick by as you examined my faults, as you probe my body, my mind, for every fault. Not the silence that follows another argument about the weather. My clothes. Our songs.

Why did we always reach that silence?

Then, you opened your mouth, and the words began to flow. As easily and unabashedly as if I was your diary, your secret place, everything came out. You love my hair, my eyes, my feet. You love my writing and my enchanted places and my dancing and my soul. You love every single piece of me and we fit together so easily, like a child's puzzle of just two halves that touch along every curve and angle and corner and we were connected and I love you.

Why do I still love you?

Then, you turned into a butterfly. Your wings were alight with a faerie glow and you fluttered past me. I tried to catch you, but in my haste I wasn't gentle enough, not a humble caress but a desperate snatch of what was left of my life.

How did I let you become my whole life?

Your delicate wings were crushed in my fingers, and you crumbled into dust. Ashes. The door opened and the wind flung you out. I chased you, but no matter how hard I ran, arms pumping, legs burning, my heart beating the way only you ever could make it, you were always one step too far in front of me. There was always someone, something, in the way. I ran and I ran and I knew that I should stop because the edge of the entire world was nearing as inevitably as the passing of time but I could not. I would not. Stop.

You know that jolt, when you are running in a dream and you fall and just before you plummet to the Earth you wake up? That was me.

Please.

Tell me it wasn't just a dream.