8.28.2011

Naked

Shed your skins
like an old cloak
full of snags and tears from trying just too hard
to move through life too fast
best described as "well-worn"
stained with coffee and Sharpie
and bleach residue
from trying to scrub out life's mistakes:
the smell of alcohol and his cologne
and even the occasional cigarette burn
trying so hard to disguise with lies
your truth, so glaringly apparent.

Shed your skins
and wipe clean your past
sweep out every corner of those places
in your mind best left forgotten
every trunk stuffed with what remains from
your yesterdays
vessels of nostalgia that do nothing but
hold you back
the things that matter now lie only ahead.

Shed your skins
with fervent intensity
remove every layer thoroughly and completely
until you are bare
until every painted-on mask is dissolved
clear out the dust
that mars the mirrors hidden in that attic of memory
see yourself clearly for once.

Shed your skins
and breathe in the world
let the breeze move you to glide
to fly
among higher clouds in higher places
turn your face towards the light.

Shed your skins
let life
let love
touch your naked soul.

Explained here :)

What He Is

He is what would be if those early morning rays that split through the mountains and dapple the Earth in faerie hues could swell into a person.

He is the hope that rises each morning with the brilliant sun, that feeling of release as the sky sheds its cloak of darkness and stretches from horizon to horizon, shielding the world with it's body of blue.

He is the clear opening notes of a lullaby sung in true love to the ears of the innocent, that way that sounds are purer, truer, when they are heard by the right person.

He is a wafting melody that drifts along in the breeze as somewhere, far off, a flute is being played to the silence.

He is prose and poetry and melody that could go on forever without once resting, an endless storm that swirls around my mind and fingers and soul.

He is inspiration.

Pure light.

Pure life.

He is my muse today.

Explained here :)

8.27.2011

Born In Light

light shimmer glow bright magnify captivate

he was like nothing noone noplace anything i had ever seen before
in the shadows there is not much light
when your dreams bleed pain anguish hopelessness forgotten no tomorrow
there is not much beauty

he was beauty

touch pain stroke grasp clench engulf carry me in your arms
lead me out of this place darkness disability
take me somewhere somehow someone someplace that i can finally
breathe

breath is for them who can give as well as take

simply spoken his voice was like a future
like something somedream someheaven where i learn how to
feel

feeling is special too
for them with eyes to see absorb take in understand
with fingers to trace line caress comprehend
with heart to tell you that

he is more than just a person
he is more
more
than
dark
hurt
numb
broken

he is sensation sensational emotional technicolor but it
burns so bright in my nothing my monochrome
but i crave need desire long choke for the want of him
born of the shadows
i just want to find capture captivate treasure hoard rejoice in a little light

On The Inside

Please tell me something I can believe
I know that I am not beautiful.
Please feed me something soaked with enough truth
That it will feel true
To me.
Don't lie.
I know that I am not beautiful.
Please let me feel again
Something, anything.
Let me feel my hands on my face
Your heart in my soul
Please take me in your arms just one last time.
You don't have to say a word
Because I know that I am not beautiful.
Just this once let your body speak for you
Make me feel beautiful.

8.21.2011

Mine

bobbing on a splintered plank 
i lay my face alongside his
bruised, swollen
and so utterly fragile, like filtered light on the sea floor
but he is achingly beautiful
beautiful to me because now he is mine.

they told me i could not take him
i am mer
he is human
i am the sea
and he is born from the land
but nothing is so simple.

i took him to his second birth
and now he will be part of the sea forever.

A Stranger On A Street Corner

Stranger and stranger still, the words of a stranger
The underground murmurs of a revolution!
of light!
and right!
That charismatic man on his corner
Who soothes the desperation of the shadows and the dark
Who sees and feels and tastes everything we can't
Our cracked
   Jagged
      Splintered sense of reality devoid of everything
To which we have been taught to be so numb.
Spoken from throbbing lips to granite ears
Is it wasted breath if no one hears?
Why does he stand in the rain and the snow
In a cheap plaid coat and shoes that have walked too many a moon
With strangers who didn't care for a stroll
Why does he spin for us
This yarn of
Once upon a time
   There was a bird born from ash
      Who flew to the highest peak of a mountain
         To grant a faery wish to the most beautiful girl in all the land
             Who wished this world to be cleansed from
Cynicism.
And disbelief.
Too little faith.
And a pinch too much of "I" and "me" and "mine".

I slouch past him and screw up my face
For I am far too mature and wise and sophisticated to stay.
I have no use in my busy life for the faery tales
Of that stranger on his street corner.

8.19.2011

Sacrifice

"Sing me a lullaby."

The request, command, plea - he hadn't been with her long enough to know her moods - came from below, where she lay under his guard.  He complied, because that's what he had been born to do.  It was dark enough that she, with her brown, human eyes, wouldn't be able to see him but for perhaps a bit of shadow darker than the rest.  He, however, could see her perfectly.  Nestled into a patch of breath-soft grasses.  A blanket woven from sunbeams glowing faintly, pulled up to cover her from chin to toes.  Her face was vulnerable, almost weak, even, but it's soft innocence didn't repulse him.  Quite frankly, it was what had drawn him to choose her over all the others.  The idea that for one night she could sleep knowing that she was perfectly, completely safe.

He licked his lips, drawing in a shallow touch of air, tasting her scent on his tongue.  As the moon rose higher in the sky, he crooned out words in the tongue of the Fae; nothing strictly a lullaby, merely snatches of stories memorized from his own childhood.  Spoken softly, in a lilting cadence.  He spoke of flame-lit gathering, of summoning dragons and spirits from the sea.  He told her the love story of a merkind and a gryphon's human, their tragedy, their loss.  She was asleep quickly, lured into a blank, dreamless rest by the gravity of his voice, and still he talked on.

He told her the history of the Fae, hoping desperately that she would understand.  Of the first Seeker, who chased the sun, running and running endlessly until finally he burst from this world in a lick of flame and surrendered himself completely, until he flew from this heavenly entity to another.  Of the Silverlust, the desire, the need for sacrifice.  How the Sun would not surrender its rays for jealousy of the Moon's followers.  He told her of the first sacrifice - a young child, sleeping in the moorlands against the warmth of an old dog, bathed for six hours in pure moonlight.  His blood was the color of the sunrise that first rebirth of the Sun.

The night spun by, steady as the constant spin of the Earth, and time passed quickly for him.  Hardly a moment of life ticked by between the time his stories ran out and the moon had set completely.  Hardly a nick in her life, just a single night, that determined her destiny.  Her own rebirth.

This was hardly his first time with a sacrifice, but every time held the same feelings of trepidation, anxiety, and utter longing.

He took her into the blackness, unlit by either Moon nor Sun.  She glowed with a faerie luminescence from her long night beneath the Moon's power.  He held her gently in his arms, careful not to bounce and jostle her, and her eyes looked steadily in his own.  Although he knew that the others were using their persuasions to keep her calm, he liked to think that she knew, understood, accepted and forgave.

The sacrifice stone was ancient and craggy, glimmering with a thousand tiny uncut gems and throbbing with a life of its own from all those lost on it.  He lay her onto the cold slab, her now silvery hair flowing out beneath her.  Her lips parted slightly, a faint rosy color, as if she meant to speak but could not find the words.  Ever so gently, he removed her blanket and thin slip, so that every inch of her Moon-soaked body was exposed into the shadow ridden night.  She lay as still and motionless as if she was carved from stone herself, the perfection of her miniature features illuminated by the power within her.

With one quick, practiced, easy move, he slit her throat.

Shining blood bathed the rock in red and the clearing pulsated with the power of those strong enough to hold themselves back from the Moonlust.  The weak never came.  Her eyes fluttered shut as the essence of what fed the Fae, what made them strong, what brought the Sun back to the Earth each morning, flowed freely under the observation of the heavens and its guards.

He didn't know exactly what the Sun did with her.  That part of the ceremony had never been seen by anyone yet living - the Fae only knew that the bodies were always gone by the next morning.

The Sun poured its light onto the world, and a new day began.

8.17.2011

Gasp. Mute. Viable.

Mute them.
   Just turn them OFF.
The voices in my head.
whispering
               muttering
      teasing
              gasping
  Screaming.
STOP.
Everything pales in comparison.
Even the sun.
nothing is real but the voices
              Vibrant
     ALIVE.
They speak.
   I listen.
They command.
   and it is a viable course of action
a necessity
I follow.
I obey.
NO.
        why can't you just leave me
  ALONE.
burn every bridge behind you
let the flames lick me like so much
warmth and love
until i can be warm forever
until i can fly as ashes in the wind
because you make me feel so 
COLD
when you tell me what i need
what i want
what i have to
                                               KILL.

8.15.2011

Four Painters

The first one was simple.  As simple as a child's painting set - red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, and black.  A small brush that could withstand overeager young artists.  A paper cup leaking stained water out onto some old newspapers strewn across the floor.  He was...quaint.  A quiet, uncomplicated soul if there ever was one.  There wasn't any of the witty banter, the sort that slices and captivates.  There wasn't any grand romancing or extravagant gifts or elegant parties.  There were picnics under the sun, and stargazing with an old pair of binoculars, inherited from a beloved grandfather, beneath the moon.  There were handpicked wildflowers tied with a shoelace on my porch.  There was contentment.

The second was strong and weathered.  He was older - more experienced.  He was bigger, too, in a brawny way that made me feel safe.  He was long hours of silence, of hands running through hair and caressing cheeks, of two people who fit together like they were made for each other.  He was a fat roller brush that could sweep a fresh coat of paint over every flaw and imperfection instantly, smoothing out my walls until they were like new.  He was comfort and safety.

The third seemed interesting, at first, like a bucket of paint in a color never before seen.  He was rainbow hued, colors that changed in the sun, paint that shimmered if you looked at it a certain way.  The bucket he resided in may have been a bit plain, flecked with old paint splatters and well used, but the contents within made up for it.  He was the sophistication that was lacking.  He was stage lights and enormous roses bloomed out of season and shipped from the other side of the world in a rush order.  But he was only color, only paint, with no way to get on me.  He couldn't change the fact that we were just too different.  With him, I was always just a shadow.

The last, the fourth, is something new.  He's more than just a brush or a particular color.  He's artistic, and capable, and beautiful in every way.  He is every piece of everything.  He's a jumbled pile of paints and supplies, everything that is needed to create a masterpiece.  And for once, he isn't only a painter.  To him, I'm more than a canvas.  Together, we are art.

8.14.2011

Sacred Places

a sporadic scattering of
   stones
          beads
     pictures
a tuft of fur from a beloved friend
long gone.
the space is small enough to hinder all movement
and momentarily
i am enmeshed in a bit of
    soft white yarn.
untagling myself, i shake loose
a bit of plaster
and she looks at me like
           i'd committed some seditious crime.
the stigma placed on secrets
   and secret keeping
      especially from one's parents
causes her trepidation
until i pledge to keep silent
from here to the nether lands.
  satisfied, she lets me in entirely.
i tread carefully
         here.
in a child's sacred place.

8.12.2011

I've Spent My Life

I've spent my life
chasing
the shadow of a cloud.
Finding
what this world
never intended
to be found.
I thought the answers were in
words
whispers
swept into oceans and
drenched in rain.
That I could live
my life
through another's
joys
and
loves
and
pains.
I thought
forever
was forever
and tomorrow
couldn't come.
I wasted my time in shadows
when I could have
felt the sun.

Elusive

She was an explorer, an adventurer. A soul searcher, a secret finder, a treasure hunter. She was one of those kind - the transcendent, marked by the world but still flowing freely through time and space and energy like a brilliant sunbeam. She lit up the world.

She was on a mission. In search of glittering treasure, she found something different, something of infinite more worth. Something that she had been looking, even longing, for. She bundled it up carefully in silk woven from starlight and held it close to her, but still, the guardian of the paradox demanded a sacrifice. She offered her gold and jewels, treasure maps and secret passwords in the ancient tongue, but the guardian knows what a person values the most. The one thing a person could never give up. The guardian stole away its prize and spun her around and around a blank slate world until all that was left was the barest glimpse of something she so desperately needed.

The guardian could not keep its stolen goods, for something so delicate, so magical, could not be contained by those whom it was never intended. The secrets, the answer to all that she had once known, belonged to the place where they were born. The answers were not in the fleeting moments of contact or the long stretches of reaching for something that wasn't there. They weren't in the snatches of conversation, muted by the steel grey planes throbbing with ancient life and the omnipresent dust that dulled everything like a vow of silence. Rather, they were bled out in primary red and swept into an unforgiving river, now tinged pink, lost forever.

She searched for the answers for many years. She climbed mountains and invaded castles. She fought bears and tigers and men for the truth. It is very difficult, however, to look for something when you can't even remember what it is. It is even harder to find your way out of the darkness when your eyes cannot adjust to the light. No matter what she did, or where she went, she could never find what she so longed to know. Then, one day, as she was walking through an enchanted place, a cloud loomed overhead and she was caught in its shadow.

She knew.

She stretched her fingers and closed her eyes and breathed it in. Watched out for, cared for, cared about, for the first time since she could remember. Sharing secrets, sharing trust. The look and feel and feeling of a hand reaching out to her just before she...

Could feel the sun on her skin again, the warmth unable to reach anything inside. Just like that, the secrets were lost. She chased them for many days, following the cloud and the answers it had soaked up from the river, hoping to be caught in the storm that would release every memory to her. But alas, the shadow of a cloud is a flighty thing, not predictable or able to be trusted, and as elusive as a true friend.

When the rain fell, it fell far from her, washing away the tears and filling the soul of someone who needed its answers even more. Me.

8.11.2011

The Poker Player

All I can say is if she was gambling for it, the fates were smiling on her when she won his heart.

8.10.2011

Drench. Immune. Radiate.

an invigoration
redemption
drench me in your
Love.
paint my monochromatic faces
go ahead
paint outside the lines
i don't mind.
even i am not
Immune
to the numbing effect of
black and white and cold and hopeless and lost and broken and alone so
go ahead
scrawl your signature across my
Soul
bathe me in your radiating
Light
Life
even i am afraid
of the dark.

8.09.2011

Dreaming.

It was a summer day. I was wearing a dress and you were wearing those shoes - remember, the ones we bought together? We walked down the street together, hand in hand, because this time there was no secrecy. No lies. No hiding. This time, you weren't ashamed to be seen with me.

Why were you so ashamed of me?

We walked into the store, one of those charming, family owned places you know I love so much. I ordered tea, you a Coke. We sat in silence for a while, but it wasn't the kind of silence I'm used to. Not the weeks without a word. Not the hours that tick by as you examined my faults, as you probe my body, my mind, for every fault. Not the silence that follows another argument about the weather. My clothes. Our songs.

Why did we always reach that silence?

Then, you opened your mouth, and the words began to flow. As easily and unabashedly as if I was your diary, your secret place, everything came out. You love my hair, my eyes, my feet. You love my writing and my enchanted places and my dancing and my soul. You love every single piece of me and we fit together so easily, like a child's puzzle of just two halves that touch along every curve and angle and corner and we were connected and I love you.

Why do I still love you?

Then, you turned into a butterfly. Your wings were alight with a faerie glow and you fluttered past me. I tried to catch you, but in my haste I wasn't gentle enough, not a humble caress but a desperate snatch of what was left of my life.

How did I let you become my whole life?

Your delicate wings were crushed in my fingers, and you crumbled into dust. Ashes. The door opened and the wind flung you out. I chased you, but no matter how hard I ran, arms pumping, legs burning, my heart beating the way only you ever could make it, you were always one step too far in front of me. There was always someone, something, in the way. I ran and I ran and I knew that I should stop because the edge of the entire world was nearing as inevitably as the passing of time but I could not. I would not. Stop.

You know that jolt, when you are running in a dream and you fall and just before you plummet to the Earth you wake up? That was me.

Please.

Tell me it wasn't just a dream.

8.05.2011

Scrawled

Jagged
Lines of color splashed
Scribbled
Splattered
across a monochromatic plane of
Nothing
but you.
And your every word
scrawled out in purple ink
on my tin man heart
Chaos
strewn across a perfectly good heart
scribblings on my mind
and all I wanted from you
was to find
a little
Light.

8.03.2011

Appear. Dose. Pierce.

They say that he appears at the moment just when the sun and the moon are in perfect alignment, one golden god descending down to a mountain throne, the other, a silver-clad assassin rising into a twilight sky.  When their light strikes another at just the right angle, at just the right moment, he comes.  One cannot tell him by his appearance alone, as he never wears the same Earthly guise.  Sometimes, he is as slender as a crescent; and other times, as broad and strong as the full moon.  The Pink Moon, The Sturgeon Moon, The Full Long Nights Moon.  Each brings him with their faerie glow, birthing him from every lover's dream and child's midnight wish.

They say that one can never be too careful, walking at this hour.  Some fear the dead of night, but it's then, just as the world is alight with double luminescence, that the Fae dance.  Even they, however, fear his touch.  With a glancing brush of his icy hand or a look directly into his burning eyes, he can take your soul into a place of blinding light, so brilliant that to blink is to suffer immeasurable pain, and to be returned to the mortal world is to go blind.  A single word in a lullaby cadence is all it takes to bind you to him, irreversibly, irrevocably.  For eternity.  And if he draws you near and places his fingertips directly on your heart's center, his essence will pierce you like a golden blade, a silver spear.  You will cry for him, cry to forget him, but your mind is trapped in a spider's web of light and longing.

They say that if you can capture one, he will die as all Fae, a burst of fire licking around his being in a defeat disguised as triumph.  They say that his ashes are the only thing that cure the heartache, the lovesick, the spell he casts.  They say that a single dose, a pinch of ash in a cup of tea, will erase all but the most lingering recollection of him in your heart.

But I don't want to forget.

8.01.2011

Whispers

they come
uninvited, unannounced
     no weatherman to predict the torrent of
Worthless.
you are nothing but a Mistake.
Hopeless. really
     give up
          i triple dog dare you
and they tell you that this is what everyone thinks
they are all you hear
they fill your ears
they know your fears
      every single
                 Insecurity.
                      Anxiety.
                           the way you forget how to Breathe
in the whirlwind of whispers
and they dare you
     to jump.