With an arrogant display of humility
he claims none of the credit
for the work he has done
giving it all to fate
to the gun
but he loves to pull the trigger.
Evident in the way he cannot refrain.
He plants his feet
as if he belonged
and the adrenaline swells
the I-AM-GOD rush rises passionately, angrily, demanding blood and pouring red hot through the cracks in his careful facade
jaw clenched - teeth worn to grittle -
but his hands still do not shake.
He takes his time.
With precision and almost motherly care
he flicks the safety to off.
In a moment of eerie silence
gravity is suspended
and he is alive
for he lives to pull the trigger
although it means someone must die.
It isn't personal.
just a spray, a spattering of life on the sidewalk.
He relishes the moment of freedom
but it is just as much a chain.
Explained here
There are some wonderful lines ('teeth worn to grittle') and ideas (the motherly care of the shot)..in this piece..your back story link really added to the picture..just who is the sniper...I would imagine you remember the shot whichever side you're firing from..maybe the measure of good and bad comes in how you remember it? great write..Jae
ReplyDeletePhew...you and Mary both used the idea of a gun in your wordles and, each was very effective. This is very dark and powerful. I can well imagine him as being cold and calculating the time to take the best shot.
ReplyDeleteWow.
You certainly have written a powerful piece and your backstory raises a lot of questions. Well done!
ReplyDeletechilling piece...hope you are not speaking from personal knowledge! powerful words....
ReplyDeleteI echo what Joanne says: chilling piece. But engaging and impossible to forget!
DeleteGardener Grittle
The lack of motive is what makes this poem chilling. Cleverly done.
ReplyDeleteDark and well wordled indeed!! Those words were meant for this!! :)
ReplyDeleteFeeling as though I just watched one of those incredibly frightening movies that I usually avoid. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThis is gritty. That is one hard man. "the I-Am-God rush rises." that's legit.
ReplyDeleteYou had me there!
ReplyDelete"a spattering of life on the sidewalk..." Terrific images. I agree with comments above: chilling, gritty, dark. Great use of the Wordle. Well done.
ReplyDeleteA chilling tale. Well wordled.
ReplyDeletePowerful, well done. Your writing gripped me.
ReplyDeleteTrigger has many meanings and you used it well as part of a machine. Though your gent gives the gun life by giving 'it' the credit for the shot and not himself (his brain also being a very well tuned machine!)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your visit. Most of my story verses have been created with wordles from the Sunday Whirl - though there are exceptions. The piece you read was just one inserted in this series...for when you have a few moments to spare:
http://julesgemsandstuff.blogspot.com/p/story-verse-b.html
You made these words work hard for you. Strong write, raising a lot of questions,
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
A thoughtful poem. Powerful, deep...
ReplyDeleteplanted ruminations
I echo the others this is chilling. Well done. Thanks for visiting me and commenting on my piece.
ReplyDeletePamela
Chilling, powerful, what lots of others already said, but I also found it very disturbing. Good poetry should make a person think (imo), so I say well done.
ReplyDeleteWOW! Impressive use of the words. I have always hated guns. "I-AM-GOD rush rises passionately" is a haunting, vivid line.
ReplyDelete